Life & Death-Accepting Fate

the recent passing of Tara Swanson has stirred up emotions in me that i have not felt since marcus was first diagnosed. melanoma sucks! she was our age, she was a mother, a wife, a vibrant woman that had so much life to live....it just doesn't seem fair. it brings me back to when one of my bosses, darla estrello lost her young life to cancer. she had 3 beautiful children and i remember thinking-how can this happen? how can God take her away from her little girl? then i realized for whatever reasons unknown to me, God needed darla in heaven, more than she was needed on earth. that is a hard pill to swallow for lots of people-especially if you don't believe in God-but i do and know that i must accept the fate he has for me, marcus, our girls, our family, our lives. i must trust in Him-and i do-fully trust in God-but it still hurts sometimes, and it still scares the crap out of me.

marcus is so strong-when i discussed my fears, concerns with him after learning of tara passing-he told me, "you need to accept it now-if i am going to die, i am going to die-life will go on" how can he sit there and say that so matter of factly to me? is he trying to protect me? is he just that strong? the answer really is, he truly knows that God is in control. his faith has always been strong like a rock-through our struggles early on in our marriage-he always told me that God was the only reason we were still together. he knew that without God-we would have never made it. marcus has accepted his fate-he has peace knowing that God is in control-not melanoma-so today, i will accept fate too. i am making a decision to not dwell on the "what ifs" but to live life to the fullest......trusting in God.