LIFE-I guess I really am getting old!! ;)

Ok, so to start I am attaching some pics of our girls from Sela's Sock Hop at school today and one of Sloane and I-she still loves me and isn't embarrassed of me-I will get into that statement further in a minute ;) Today I am only 34 years old, soon to be 35, but to be honest with you I totally still feel like a kid inside. I know people always say it-but it is true-even though my hip hurt for 3 days after we took the girls bowling the other night, I still feel young inside-I still get excited when we do things-little things, like going to the movies, bowling, out to eat, just get together with my family and friends and visit-I love that and it always makes me happy inside. I love to be around people...and I guess I just can't remember how I really felt when I was 9, but I don't remember being completely repulsed by my mom...I called her today to ask just to make sure, and she did remind me of the time I hid in the backseat when she came to pick me up with rollers in her hair, but that is different!  Sorry Mom!!

Ok, to my point-today Sloane and I went to Sela's school for her Sock Hop for Valentine's Day...I try to go to all events at school-but today was different. To start, Sela said this morning, "Oh, your coming to the Sock Hop?" I mean I guess I should have gotten the hint then, but I didn't! So as we walk into the cafeteria where Sela's class is still having lunch, I see Sela run to her Vice Principal and ask something and then run in the opposite direction of Sloane and I....so I asked her friends, "Where is she going?" and they basically tell me that she is trying to get away from us...she went to the bathroom! I should have left then....so the rest of lunch Sela ignores us, sitting right next to her little boyfriend and doing all she can to make her sweet little sister get away from her...it was sad...and she never spoke to me-only gave me "eyes"....So we go to the sock hop and Sela doesn't really wanna participate-I guess she is too cool-but Sloane wants to do all of it! So she does and I try to record them-Sela hides behind friends-she is never shy for the camera-but now, today-she wants no part of it!!!! Ok, so after the Sock Hop we go back to her class, and usually after any class party, or event, the kids wanna go home early-NOT TODAY-Sela has decided she wants to stay at school with her cool friends and pretty much shoves me out the door. I know I sound like a big baby, but I am MAD-my first born daughter doesn't think she needs me in her world and is basically embarrased of my total being-I thought I was kinda cool-at least a little ;)

So, in my anger, I am also extremely SAD.....because I am realizing, that my girls are getting bigger and they don't need me holding their hands anymore...they are little humans with their own likes/dislikes, and things that make them excited and happy-and at this point, Sela has released me from that job-she doesn't need me :( My heart is broken.

So I am trying to face this like a grown up...even though I have reminded her how it hurts when your family treats you like you don't exist...and how I can't stand to see 9 year old girls acting like little goofballs around a bunch of 9 year old boys that are goofballs too ;) But this is how Life goes right? Boys make girls goo goo gaa gaa...I DON'T WANNA EVEN THINK ABOUT WHEN SHE IS A TEENAGER!?!?!

So all day I have been praying for God to help me...get over my anger, sadness, etc and it hits me.....God is our Father...and for much of my life, I acted like I didn't know Him-I was embarrased of Him-He didn't fit into my cool world....but He was always there, waiting for me to realize how important He is in my life-and how He has never left me...even when I thought I didn't need Him!!!! Oh, how God's heart must have hurt when I ignored Him when He tried to speak to me-tried to be part of my life and daily activities...How mad He must have been that I thought I was too cool for Him.....If this isn't a complete wake up call friends....wow, I don't know what is!!

So after I submit this post I will hug my Sela and tell her how much I love her and let her know, that like God is for us, I will always be here for her, I will always love her-even if I'm not as cool as she and her friends are ;)