Most of the moments of the day are pretty normal and I have been able to keep my composure for the most part...until the following moments occur..and I feel like my stomach is one huge knot and someone has cut my heart out of my chest-and I can't help but cry and feel like I will vomit.....
1. A co-worker of Marcus', Danny Wells, called me yesterday and met me to give me a pair of channel locks, with blue handles, with grease still on them...and he tells me Marcus used them when he tested for first class machinist.....
2. As we sit down to eat dinner together last night, Sela reaches her little hand out-like she always does, for daddy's hand so we can say grace as a family, and her little eyes glass over and we both start to cry....
3. Sloane decides she wants to watch videos on daddy's iphone that he took, and as I hear his voice, laughter, I am already a basket case and she looks at me and says, "See, Daddy wasn't in heaven then, he was with you at the mall and he was better."
4. Night before last we were all 3 about to go to sleep and I had each girl in my arms...and Sela says, "It's just not like Daddy's arm Momma." I agree and I miss Daddy's arm too-we could always fall asleep so peacefully wrapped in his arm.
5. Last night Sloane says, "I just wanna go to heaven and see Daddy."
and these moments continue to occur....more and more each day it seems. I have been praying every night since Marcus passed to see him in my dreams. To connect with him somehow....and each night, nothing....but last night, I prayed again to just hear his voice and know he is ok and still watching over us... I just miss him so much....so this morning as I woke up, I remembered my dream...it was Marcus, I had talked to him on the phone, almost like he was at the hospital and I was on my way back...and he told me he was feeling so much better.....and that's all I really needed to hear I guess....
5 comments:
#2 made me sob.
I am so so sorry.
(crying as I write this....) I don't even know what to say... My hope is that those moments that make you sad and cry now, will be the very same memories that bring a smile to your face and make you laugh later.
I wish you and the girls didn't have to go through this loss...this pain....this heartbreak.... I love you, and I continue to pray for all of you.
It is so hard, and so heart breaking, but we must go on with our lives and some day we will be able to remember with a smile(not sadness) all those things that made us love them.
I hope that day comes sooner than later :)
lots of love from MN
Myrna
I'm so deeply sorry for the loss of your precious husband. You wrote me before to my husbands' blog and you were such an encouragement. You still are encouraging me with your faith and hope and how you are going through this process. May God cover you with his peace and comfort to both you and your girls.
Much love, Marci Pecora
Hi Mindy,
I am getting to know you after the fact. Tracey Burk introduced me to your blog. My husband went to be with Jesus this past August 29th. He was in kidney failure but died from a heart attack due to the stress of dialysis on his cardiovascular system. I never thought I would be a widow so young nor probably did you. I understand your "moments" as I have had them too. Another widow shared with me to "ride the wave", because tears seem to come in waves in which they last a few minutes and then we can deal with life again. I am glad God gave you your dream/vision and it was about two weeks after my husband passed that God gave me mine. I was sitting with my husband, Robert, and Jesus and I was telling them everything that had happened since he passed away and we were laughing and having such a good time together. It was such a peaceful experience and such a comfort.
Dr. Kelly McConnell
auddoc06@yahoo.com
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