To be filled with Joy and Peace...that is all I want for Sela, Sloane and myself. Some days we are-we move through our day, as normal as we can be-we laugh, love and things seem joyful....then we look at a picture, or discuss a sweet memory of Marcus and our hearts lose the joy and any peace we thought we had....the heart is such a fragile thing. I truly never really knew how fragile until now. We start our group support meetings next week (we missed the one on my b-day) and I pray that the girls can connect with kids that truly know their pain. I pray that I can find other spouses who have been through this-and can tell me it will get better. I know it will, but I think hearing it from some one that has been there, done that-would help me really believe it.
Summer is almost here and I am ready for us to get moving. We have tons of plans-just gotta get them all into motion :) I want the girls to have fun. I want them to be happy. I want them to laugh everyday. Summer has always been our favorite season. We usually have a long trip to the lake. I am sure we will go, but I don't know how it will feel now. So many memories as a family there. Camping, fishing, campfires, etc...how do you return to a place that holds such happy memories, with a broken heart? I don't know how, but I plan on trying-for Sela and Sloane's sake, I will try. I will pick up my broken heart and try to create new memories with them in locations that were so dear to their Daddy's heart....
As I am typing, Sloane is digging in some cards and papers behind me and she finds a booklet from the funeral with Marcus' smiling face on the cover...she says, "Look Momma, there's Daddy...I been missin my Daddy so much...and Momma he's been missing me too, huh?" I answer with a huge lump in my throat, "Yes baby, he's been missin you too, but he's with Jesus now."
4 comments:
I love you baby...you are the best Mom...I know God will guide you and the girls-you've got what it takes to follow HIM and with that, guide yourself and girls...I know that you will find peace as you continue to trust in the Holy Spirit. I continue to pray for you, please pray for me ;) I love you more today! Aunt Kel
I hope yall have lots of fun this summer too. Don't let your broken heart stop you! This year it will be tough, but just keep it up. It will get better year after year! The beach was my mom's favorite place, and I feel so close to her there...I wish we went more. So sweet of Sloane with her comments. Funny how children see things differently. Love ya Mimi.
"Eternal god, in whom mercy is endless and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible, look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us, that in difficult moments we might not despair nor become despondent, but with great confidence submit ourselves to Your holy will, which is Love and Mercy itself."
Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska
I will keep your family in my prayers. It has been less than a year since my husband's diagnosis and we have two small children, too (2 and 4).
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