Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

I will try not to worry for I have complete trust and faith in my God-but sometimes it's very hard not to worry. No chemo for Marcus today-more tests-CT of chest, xray of chest, ultrasound of left leg, more blood drawn, breathing treatments-good thing he has been hooked up to the hydromorphone pump or else I just don't know how much more he could take !! Pain management team has now removed him from pump to begin him on new track of meds that we can continue at home once he's released-still don't have that date yet. At the moment they are concerned with his high creatinine and uric acid levels-his low urine output makes sense with those elevated levels-and they are trying to figure out next steps to get those levels back where they need to be before chemo can even be considered....so we wait.

There is truly nothing else I can say right now-I just ask for continued prayers for Marcus-he is fighting so hard-but he is tired-I am tired-tired of having our lives revolve around Melanoma-we will continue to give all our glory to God and keep praying for a complete healing. I will not worry about tomorrow, but I will cherish today!

"I will not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD." Psalms 118:17

First off-I am attaching video/song by Chris McClarney that I love-check him out!
Second off-we are ready for Marcus to be healed so he can declare the works of the LORD!! Even if the path is not what we choose....

We got a call from MD Anderson a little while ago, letting us know that the first choice trial is still not open-and they are saying 2-3 weeks more.....second choice trial-3 weeks or more-third choice trial-who knows....and Marcus cannot go another 2 weeks like he has these past 2 weeks....SOOOO, Dr. Kim strongly suggests he begin the Carboplatin Paclitaxel combo ( I am not 100% sure on my spelling yet, but will correct once we get paperwork) starting Monday. It is course that goes like this: 1 day of both chemos at the same time, 3 weeks off; 1 day of chemos again, 3 weeks off-then scan again to see if it worked. These chemos are proven drugs that show tumor regression, so we are expecting results. In the meantime, they are going to try and keep him on the waiting list for the trials-hoping that if they do open finally, he will be done with this chemo and in a washout period..that part, we just have to hand over to God and let Him lead us-and we can't worry about it. At this point Marcus has to do something....every day is worse...and I can't keep watching him suffer. Good news is that side effects aren't too bad with these chemos and he tolerated last chemos well, so we are praying these will be a piece of cake!

So please pray for us as we make our way back to MD Anderson monday morning to get this chemo in his body and continue on this healing road. We know the healing has already happened, we are just patiently waiting :) Thank you all so much again for your continued prayers and support! We love you!!!!

"Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; Save me and I shall be saved, For YOU are my praise." Jeremiah 17:14

Today has been another rough one for my sweet husband.  He says it feels like there is a knife in his back/shoulder!!  I can only imagine the pain he is in...it hurts me to the core because there is nothing I can do, except pray and help him....and I keep doing those things-constantly-but it still hurts me.  But my eyes are fixed on Jesus, because I know the healing He has for Marcus is just around the corner :)

We went to MD Anderson today to meet with Dr. Kim for follow-up after the ER visit Thursday night.  According to discharge papers, diagnosis was Progression of pulmonary metastasis and loculated effusion.  Basically, growth of tumors in right lung and trapped fluid in lung-in between tumor and lung tissue.  Solution?  Get back on treatment of some sort, get the tumors shrinking, then fluid will be absorbed and pain will cease...So, back to treatment options-first choice clinical trial GSK 2118436 (even though at clinicaltrials.gov it says it is recruiting, at the moment the trial is full, but hoping to open about 20 new spots) anyways, this has been the first choice trial all along, but Dr. Kim just didn't want Marcus to go too long without treatment, because of what is happening now-progression, pain, problems....but, he says, if Marcus feels up to it, he would like to see him wait at least another week to see if the company really does open those new spots-they told MD Anderson last week that they would in 2 weeks...so next week should be  it! They told us he is # 6 on MD Anderson's list for this trial once the spots are opened, so we just pray he will make the cut!!! There is also a combo trial of GSK 2118436 and GSK 1120212 (BRAF and MEK) that is not recruiting yet, but would also be another option if it opened up before the other spot does....and there is always the trial I posted about last time, a gamma secretase inhibitor trial-so, 3 trials so far that could hopefully open up for him....and then last back up plan is another combo of chemos-Carbo something and Plaxi something, I haven't researched those yet, but, Dr. Kim says he has a patient that has done that combo and is 2 years stable disease, so that chemo for sure sounds good to try if needed! In case you are wondering why we don't just do chemo until trials open-the catch with trials is you have to be off a chemo or other treatment for usually 4-6 weeks before you can start trial-so if Marcus were to do some chemo now, then the trial opened next week, he would be excluded-and may not get a chance to get back in-so, at this point, the waiting, is pretty much his best choice-so we wait-patiently-because God is in control.
SOOO, if you are still reading and I haven't lost you in all this, please keep praying for Marcus.  He has new pain meds to try and see if these work better so he can at least get some rest...he maybe slept 3 hrs last nite-just can't get comfortable-pain overcomes him, then shortness of breath-because he is basically only working with left lung...the right lung is so full of fluid and tumor, they told him only a small portion of it was actually doing anything-THANK GOD his left lung is still stable and working fine!!  The devil keeps trying to bring us down, making us all discouraged, but we just keep fighting!  I found several Healing scriptures and printed out some for the girl's bathroom and some for ours....I taped them to our mirrors so every time we looked in the mirror we would have those scriptures ready to pray!!  And believe me when I tell you, having the word of GOD in front of you, to see, to speak, to pray-truly makes you feel FULL of power, strength and mighty praise!!!  We would not be making it through each day if it weren't for the grace of God-So I give Him glory-ALWAYS AND FOREVER!!!!!

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" 1 Corinthians 13:7 (NLT)

I am a people person and I truly love everyone.  I have always been fascinated with people's lives, their journey, their struggles, etc....and the bottom line is I want everyone reading this post to know I love them, to get their moles checked and I want them to go to Heaven when they die.  I don't think that is really asking too much right? ;) 

So, we are home, got back around 8:30 am and then we went to sleep :)  Last night was a rough one....after the CT scan around 4:30am the ER doc told Marcus that she was going to continue treating him like he has pneumonia, but even after the scan she wasn't really positively sure.. because of his remaining pleural effusion in the right lung and the tumor, the overall view was hindered....and basically we need to get him back on a treatment regimen to get the tumors back in check, so the fluid will go away and his pain will subside...we have scheduled appts mon and tues to meet with the clinical trial dept. about that latest trial-hoping to get that rolling by next week...and until then, he needs to finish his antibiotics and manage his pain with pain meds....as much as he can.....basically, cancer really sucks and there is no prettier way to say it-as the tumors grow, they push on organs and cause pain....so you just have to manage it until you can get a treatment that shrinks the tumors....which brings me back to getting your moles checked-PLEASE, PLEASE,  whoever you are, friend, family, stranger, please check your moles....if they look suspicious, please go to a dermatologist and let them check for you!!! Just that little step could save your life.

If I didn't love each and everyone of you, I wouldn't be wasting my time typing this-but God has really been speaking to me over the last few months....and I have promised God I will listen and be obedient-whatever He tells me to do, I will do it-no matter how psycho it may seem ;) Even if it means introducing myself to a complete stranger at McDonald's and giving her my contact info because I want to make sure she knows Jesus and goes to Heaven......I hope you are reading Smoki-because you are so very special to God and He obviously wanted us to know one another-I am just blessed He chose me to meet you-I love you girl and am always here for you!!

So, the next few days are filled with basketball games, church and trying to relax and enjoy my family-making sure we all realize how very precious life is and how we can't waste it on dumb, unimportant things....My love will never give up, never lose faith, is always hopeful and will endure-through EVERYTHING!!!

Love you all!!

I know He will Come....He did once already today...... :)

So I am typing now from the ER room #29 at MD Anderson, while Marcus finally rests....his nurse was not playing around and when he told her his pain level was 8 out of 10, she politely fixed him up with a shot of Delotta into his IV.....now if any of you truly know Marcus, you will know he has never done drugs and has never been drunk in his entire life...and he truly stays away from pain meds if possible....so once the Delotta hit him, well, let's just say, he was amazed....and now, finally, after 2 days of agony, he is finally resting, pain free, waiting for his CT scan......ER doc says from looking at his xray and bloodwork, she is concerned about 2 things mainly-pulmonary embolism or yet another pleural effusion.  She also says the CT will make more clear if the tumors in his right lung are growing, or if it's just fluid.....SOOO, we wait, for God's spirit to rain down once again....just like it did this afternoon...let me explain.....
We had been back and forth on the phone with Marcus' Med. Oncologist here at MD Anderson trying to determine what to do...come in, or wait it out....meanwhile, trying to determine our plan for the girls...Marcus wanted to drive himself and wanted me to stay home with the girls and go about our normal routine...I didn't feel comfortable with him driving alone with his pain the way it has been, but I didn't want to put more stress on my mom-in-law...she has been helping take care of my niece because her parents were sick, then my other brother-in-law has to have surgery and I didn't want her to have to choose where she wanted to be-especially since she has helped us so much, I wanted her to be able to help her other sons too....ANYWAYS, Marcus and Sela were sittin on the couch, discussing our options, and Sela did not want me to stay-she wanted me with her daddy and got really upset...Marcus was trying to explain to her that we needed to help our family-they have helped us so much and we needed to be strong and help back....he then told her that it was very important for her to continue to keep her faith and strength in God no matter what the outcome was for him....tough message to be sending to your 9 year old right before you leave for the ER, but he felt the need and then all of the sudden while he was talkin to her and explaining that we needed to ask God to help us all get through this difficult time and guide us and keep us strong, he was overwhelming overcome by the Spirit of God, so much that he said he felt warm from head to toe and just kept telling me that it had been a very long time that he truly felt God pour out His spirit on him like that....I was overcome with emotion and just ran to hold him and Sela tightly.....I was in awe.  After this pouring out of the spirit Marcus felt great-I mean, he truly felt better than he had in a week and he really wasn't even sure he wanted to go to the hospital.....but he decided he needed to get here and see what was going on-hopefully just get some antibiotics and come back home.....which leads me back to where I began.....
I have attached a video/song by Hillsong that I always enjoy, "You'll Come"..I know that God will come to us every time we need Him and every time we call for Him...I witnessed it today, and I continue to witness it every day......He may not fix things with a snap of a finger-but He is always there for us and never lets us down-we just have to call on Him and seek Him.....so we will wait for the CT and figure out what our next step is.....God is in control....and we are perfectly happy with that :)

Love you all and thank you so much for your continued prayers and support!!!

For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Marcus was reading this to me last night before we went to sleep and it brought tears to my eyes....The past few days have been rough...Marcus has had some lower back pain and a low grade fever and it has been troubling me.  I want him to be healed so very badly!  I cannot stand to see him suffer and he puts on such a brave face for me and the girls-on one hand I admire him so much for it and the on the other, I hurt deep inside my heart because I know it is not easy to suffer with a smile on your face-but he does-because he loves us.

You know the little things really show me how much he loves me....for example-Figure Skating was something he would NEVER watch and always talked ugly about it-and not that I am a huge fan or anything, but I always liked to watch-the girls are so graceful-and I like to see what kind of crazy outfits the couples come up with! :)  But as we have been following the Winter Olympics-(I LOVE the snowboarding!) Marcus has watched Figure Skating without a fight-even comments on the techniques, scores, etc....I know it is silly, but that gesture-truly proves that he is no longer a man worried about what others think-he loves God-he loves me-and he shows it any way he can. 

So tomorrow we make the trip back to MD Anderson to see if the trial has opened again and is accepting new patients.  We have decided not to stress about this-we have put all our trust in this BRAF mutation, but only God can send the healing-and we believe in a living Jesus-and just like He healed the blind and sick in the bible-we TRUST that HE can heal Marcus in 2010.  So please keep sending the prayers, we thank you all so very much for them-and get ready to see your prayers answered!!  We are expecting a total healing from the inside out.  

And we know that what we are seeing now is temporary-but the the unseen is eternal-and we are so very excited about that!!!!!

We wait patiently on the Lord...

Well today we went to MDA to meet with the clinical trial team. At this time, the trial Dr. Kim wanted Marcus in is not open-but they are hoping it will re-open in 2-3 weeks. If not, then
there are several other trials available-this was just the first choice-SO-we will patiently wait for God to bring us to whatever trial is necessary for Marcus to receive his healing!! Please continue to pray for our patience -especially mine-I get antsy when things don't happen
as fast as I think they should ;) Thank you all again for your
continued support-we love you all!!!

Faith Triumphs in Trouble

Romans 5:1-5 "Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.  Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Yesterday, while waiting to go into his brain CT, Marcus showed me the sweet word of God above.  Little did I know that it would have perfect meaning to us today! 

Today was result day to see if the chemo was working!  Well, here's the run down: All tumors in his lungs decreased in size except for one where his pleural effusion was...and honestly, since there is still some fluid they can't tell if it really grew, or if it wasn't measured properly before due to the effusion.  No new mets in his liver, spleen, kidneys, pancreas or brain!!! PRAISE GOD!!  They did however, see a small (less than 1cm) lesion in his T12 vertebrae, but that can't say for sure if it is actually a bone met or what-because it is so small.  WE AREN'T CONCERNED WITH THIS!  So, since the bone lesion is possible and it appears the right lung tumor may have grown, this puts him into a progression category-and since he is BRAF positive, Dr. Kim wants him to go directly to one of the new BRAF phase one(where you get the medicine-no placebo) clinical trials-EXACTLY WHERE MARCUS WANTED TO BE FROM THE START!!  These new BRAF trials are seeing awesome results-we currently have a friend we have met through a melanoma patient site that is in this exact trial and currently has NO ACTIVE DISEASE after only 2 months and she had tumors all over her body!!  GLORY TO GOD!  If this progression would not have occured, then he would not be eligible for this trial-so to some it may seem negative-but to us, it is a prayer answered!!  We prayed that God would guide the doctor to whatever treatment was necessary to heal Marcus, and that is exactly what is occuring!!  We are rejoicing in this tribulation, because we know it will produce perseverance-then character-then hope-and hope does not disappoint-because the LOVE of GOD has been poured in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us!!!!

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers and support-please do not stop praying!  Please stand in faith with me that this possible bone lesion is nothing and will go away and that the BRAF trial will send all this melanoma to INACTIVE MODE!!! 

grateful for every sigh of relief :)

Well today was full of sighs of relief!
The girls and I dropped Marcus off for his appointment with Cardiopulmonary today at MD Anderson. The fluid in his Denver Cath just has not been coming out since our last drain Dec 26-which we are grateful for, but just wanted to make sure the fluid was actually gone in the pleural cavity before the cath is removed...well, the x-ray wasn't really completely conclusive-but the dr. tried to drain cath but couldn't get anything either...so he decided to take it out! Marcus was so pleased!! BIG SIGH OF RELIEF #1!!
While Marcus was handling the Denver cath appt., I decided to take the girls to the Houston Museum of Natural Science until he was done and before their appt at 2:15.....we were blessed with a great parking spot right by the door-BIG SIGH OF RELIEF #2! and really enjoyed ourselves...dinosaurs, bugs, animals, energy, chemistry-very eventful museum tour-but my favorite part was the Butterfly exhibit! I could have stayed in there ALL DAY!! I even had a butterfly land on me-Sela was mad because she wanted one to land on her so bad-and I had to threaten to beat Sloane so she wouldn't try and grab it off my shirt and put it on hers!!! They were able to touch some dead butterflies that the nice volunteer brought by-and they seemed pretty happy with their butterfly experience! Marcus was done around 1pm and we drove back to get him, grabbed a bite to eat-then headed to their appt all together.....BIG SIGH OF RELIEF #3!!
Girls had their annual dermatolgoist appointment-first time with new pediatric dermatologist in hst-dr. hebert-she was wonderful-I guess once she saw on their paperwork that their daddy was Stage IV Metastatic Melanoma, she decided to call all interns she had in her office in the room to learn ;) She came in with about 5 interns (thankfully all female or Sela would have flipped out more than she already did!) She went over all the girls moles and explained to interns and me what they were called, what we needed to be concerned with, etc...and THANK GOD-everything on them is normal! Sloane's little new freckle on her bottom lip had me concerned-and the dr said it was good that I was aware and concerned because moles on mucousal (not sure if I really spelled that right) areas are at a higher risk of metastazing if they are Melanoma-so she said to keep a close eye on that one and keep chapstick with sunscreen on her lips! Sloane will be very happy with me now-she hates stuff on her lips unless it is sparkly-guess I am now in search of sparkly chapstick with sunscreen ;) Sela has a large mole on her back that I have never liked, but dr. says it is fine-just keep watching and come back next year-and we will! She also explained to the girls-more to Sela since she is older and actually understands-how they needed to take really good care of their skin, wearing sunscreen always, protective clothing, hats, etc. and getting their moles checked for the rest of their lives-due to the family history with their daddy-I made Sela repeat what dr. hebert told her so she couldn't get mad at me when I was hounding her about all this soon ;) And I also made her promise that even when she was a grown up she would always get her moles checked and her kid's moles checked-she agreed, but then she said, "how do you know I'm gonna have kids?" ;) I was just happy with her promising me this and for the good news about their moles being normal! BIG SIGH OF RELIEF #4!!

So Sela starts school tomorrow, Marcus goes back for labwork locally to make sure all his counts are still good, and we get back to normal life until Jan 19-21 when Marcus goes back to MD Anderson for scans to see how this CVD chemo cocktail performed! We are still standing in faith, believing that God will heal him from the inside out-and we will not accept anything else!!!! Please stand with me in faith-Love you all!!!!

Home, but not for long

well, we spent black friday in the ER at MD Anderson...not our first choice of places to be-but, Marcus was really feeling short of breath and called Dr. Kim-and of course he wanted him to come in-and i am SO thankful that Marcus agreed-he ended up having pleural effusion and they had to remove 1900ml (half gallon) of fluid from his pleural cavity!!!! i told him i didn't even see how he could breathe at all !!! anyways, good news is, since they saw he was already scheduled for CT today, they would do it all then...so about midnight friday, he got the full CT of chest/abdomen/pelvis! of course, the ER drs would not give us any insight-they want us to wait and get the word from Dr. Kim today....so today we will visit MD Anderson again and see what's going on-we are still faithfully believing that God will heal Marcus and we will not accept any bad news today! we are patiently waiting, trusting God and know in our hearts that Marcus will get through this-it is just a little mountain he has to ask God to move for him-but not impossible-nothing is impossible through Christ!!

if tumors are responding, Marcus will admit for another round of IL-2...if not, he will discuss with Dr. Kim a new plan of attack! he is NOT giving up and will NOT let melanoma win! so all you faithful prayer warriors, keep praying!!!! we love you all and thank you for your continued support of our little family. more posts to come.....

Happy-but not

Well we are finally settled in our room-thank you Lord for getting us into P1004 and not ICU!!!!! Tonight Marcus will get fluids and antibiotics but won't start treatments until tomorrow morning. We met with Dr. Kim today and found out some news that fustrated us a little-Dr. Kim wants him to do 4 rounds of IL-2 no matter what. We are scheduled to come back Nov 30 for scans and then admit again for 3rd round-then, even if tumors are
gone, he still wants him to come back for 4th round-if tumors are not gone, but responding, then he will go 6 rounds. We totally misunderstood all his before-but now we know the full game plan-4 rounds of IL-2 no matter what-possibly 6! We were so happy to get this room-but then not when we found out about the additional treatments-BUT Marcus says he will do whatever it takes to get all this melanoma out of his lungs!!!! So keep the prayers coming prayer warriors-Marcus needs them!!!!!!!!

Ok Marcus' 5th dose at 6:30 pm yesterday was chills/rigors free until about 10:30pm then a few came on-not bad but some.  His 6th dose didn't come until 3:30am not sure of the hold up-anyways he was good until 6am-chills/rigors and this time some vomiting-not much-he doesn't have anything on his stomach-only ate a few bites of supper last night-but he just feels horrible.  The swelling is starting to occur-mainly in his face-ears, eyes, lips-normal with IL-2 so we expected this.  Nurses let me stay until 6:30am (I normally have to leave ICU from 6-8 every morning and evening for shift change) but they let me stay until meds had time to work and he was resting.  It hurts my heart to see him have to go through this-I love him so much and don't like to see him suffer.  I told him again his morning-when he feels he has had enough, tell them and I will take him home-but he says he wants to keep going as long as he can- his goal is to take all 14 doses (I think it is 14) but if he can't I just pray that God picks up where the IL-2 stops.  Keep praying-love u all.

keepin our heads up and smiles on our faces!!!-Marcus scheduled to start IL-2

well, yesterday we met with dr. kim to discuss the plan of action!  marcus has to go back thursday to do several more baseline tests, before he will be admitted into the hospital for 7 days-starting Oct. 5 to begin his 1st round of IL-2.  he has to make sure his heart and lungs are strong enough (doing stress tests and pulmonary test) and then another CT of the chest to have the most recent images of the tumors in his lungs.  he will be admitted monday after they insert a catheter into his chest for easier dosing.  he will begin the IL-2 treatments around 9am tuesday morning and they will give him up to 3 doses a day for 5 days, or until his body cannot handle it anymore.  that is why he has to stay admitted, so they can monitor his heart and all other organs-they will constantly being doing blood tests and checking on everything.  if anything starts to go south, they will reduce or stop the treatments.  he has to stay in the hospital 2 days after his last dose is administered, so they can make sure he is recovering properly-hence the 7 day admission.  then after he is released, he will get about a 14 day break and start back again Oct. 26-for 7 more days.  after that 2nd round, they will redo all the scans again and see if there is change (stable, shrinkage of tumors, growth, etc)...if it seems to be working, either by stabilizing or shrinking, they will schedule him for a 3rd and final round....if it is not working, then they will go back to the results from the gene mutations tests (they are actually testing for 3-B-RAF, C-KIT and NRAIS)-please excuse me if i labeled those wrong, i haven't researched the other 2 mutations, i only knew about the B-RAF.....and look into clinical trials...pretty much every trial marcus looked into that he was interested in, required him to at least have tried the IL-2 first...so he was ready to get this under his belt.  but we are praying and trusting that God will heal him with IL-2 and we won't even have to look at those trials!!!!!


meanwhile, we are trying to get everything in line for us to be gone for 7 days...thank God for my mother-in-law Debbie who will be taking care of the girls for us !!  this makes me less stressed and more capable of taking care of marcus while he goes through this....we have discussed with the girls what daddy has to go do, and i guess in their own ways they understand.  i just pray this works and we don't have to deal with this anymore!!  i know marcus is ready to be DONE with melanoma!!!!!

so, as you see in the picture of us from last week's lamar lady cards soccer game-we are keeping smiles on our faces-we know God has a plan for our lives and we are holding on strong and following His great lead!  we believe that God is the only one that can get marcus through this rough treatment and heal him-and we expect nothing less.

and as gary allan sings it, "life ain't always beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride"

thank you all for your continued prayers and support-we love you all!!